- Create your own specific plan of action on what you want in life. A good one helps you define your preferred future (your dream life), clarifies your life’s purpose, evaluates your current reality in the basic areas of life (financial, family, career, health, spiritual, etc.), reveals your personal values for each life area (the beliefs that are important to you), sets well-defined goals, and creates a specific plan of action.
- Be a lifelong learner. Read amazing books and resources personal growth. Take classes (formal or informal). Subscribe to industry blogs. Attend webinars and listen to podcasts. But don’t stop there – you’ve got to apply what you read and hear, and take action!
- Surround yourself with excellence. It’s been said that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend time with influences the person you become.
- Don’t spend your precious time with people who don’t believe in you or your goals. We all need to have positive people in our lives. And maybe you need a mentor or coach who can help you take action on your goals.
- Keep improving your communication skills. Buffett mentioned this in one of the interviews. Communication skills are extremely important today. And not just in how to be a great speaker, but also a great listener. And a good writer. If you intend to share what you learn with your audience, communicate better by writing your most amazing pieces of ideas and thoughts.
- Discover your true needs. No two people have the exact same needs. Establish what’s most important for you to gain, have, and keep in your life, e.g., what you truly need as opposed to what you simply want.
- Raise your self-worth. Even if you think you already possess a healthy dose of self-esteem, work to improve your opinion of yourself. This calls for a remorseless disposal of fears and perceived insecurities as well as the healing of old wounds once and for all.
- Create a bigger version of yourself. Don’t settle on a self-imposed plateau; always aim a bit higher than before. Visualize your ideal life — regardless of how unattainable it may seem now — and act to manifest it one element at a time.
- Create a bigger version of yourself. Don’t settle on a self-imposed plateau; always aim a bit higher than before. Visualize your ideal life — regardless of how unattainable it may seem now — and act to manifest it one element at a time.
- Do what you love. Oftentimes it is the simplest things that deliver the most profound joy, yet we barely find time for these precious activities. Don’t postpone your simple pleasures, whether you like to read or sing or hike. Perform actions grounded in a deep seat of love every day.
- Never go against your intuition. Your intuition knows more than you think. Learn to trust your inner voice without hesitation; reason may tell you one thing, but your instinct tells you the right thing, always.
20150626
Invest in yourself
20150621
How to Use the 5 Apology Languages
The power of apologies is legendary. At least, it is if you've listened to my episodes on how to repair relationships, on how to take responsibility when you screw up, and on how to criticize someone without looking like a jerk.
But they've got to be done right, or the other person won't even hear them. In the workplace, a proper apology might make the difference between being seen as a team player or being considered "that guy" (or "that girl" or "that intersex").
Bernice and Melvin are not having a good morning. They just finished taking inventory for Bernice's plant store, Green Growing Things. Melvin, in his glee, went to close the inventory program. When the program asked, "Do you really want to exit without saving the data?" he clicked Yes by habit. Oops. An entire day's work, lost.
Bernice is going ballistic. Melvin is trying his best to apologize, but nothing's working.
"I promise I'll do the inventory on my own this weekend," he cries.
"Yes, but you aren't even sorry!" she yells.
"I am too! Please forgive me!"
"Forgive you? Forgive you? Why should I forgive you when you aren't sorry?"
"But I am sorry!"
And round and round it goes.
From the outside, it sure seems that Melvin is offering an apology, and that Bernice is refusing to accept it. But that's not what's happening at all. They just recognize apologies differently. In the book When Sorry Isn't Enough, Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas share the results of a study they did of how people give and receive apologies. The bad news: There are 5 different ways people apologize. The good news: There are only 5.
Sponsor: You'll never be sorry with Stamps.com. Stamps.com makes it easy for small businesses to save money. No more Post Office trips! Save time, postage, gas, parking, and general hassle. You'll never need to wait in line again! Try Stamps.com risk-free! Plus you'll get a free digital scale and up to $55 of free postage. Go to Stamps.com, before you do anything else, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in GET IT DONE. That’s Stamps.com, enter GET IT DONE
Apology Language #1: Expressing Regret
Expressing Regret is Bernice's primary apology language. To her, an apology is first and foremost emotional. Someone truly feels bad about what they've done. An apology must show that someone sincerely feels regretful, guilty, or ashamed.
Melvin says "I'm sorry," but his voice tone says "Panic!" Bernice is picking up on his tone, not his words. She wants to know there's real regret behind his apology, not just that he can say the words. Expressing Regret sounds like, "I feel awful about what I've done." (said in an appropriate tone of voice)
Apology Language #2: Accepting Responsibility
Bernice's secondary apology language is Accepting Responsibility. She wants to hear that the other person knows it's their fault. This is as simple as saying "I was wrong." But as simple as it sounds, many of us just can't say those words. We can say "You were wrong." We can say "Politicians are wrong." But we can't quite say "I was wrong."
But that's all that someone with the Accepting Responsibility apology language wants to hear, a simple admission of fault. Melvin's apologizing, but he's not saying that he was wrong. Accepting responsibility sounds like, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. It was my fault."
Apology Language #3: Genuine Repentance
Genuine Repentance is similar to Expressing Regret in that it must come from the heart. But it must also come with a promise to change, so the problem doesn't happen again.
Even though Melvin may plan to change going forward—perhaps by re-reading every dialog box twice before clicking a button—if he doesn't say so to Bernice, she won't know that. Genuine Repentance sounds like, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Next time I'll re-read the dialog box twice before clicking a button. And I'll turn on auto-save. And make backups."
Apology Language #4: Requesting Forgiveness
Requesting Forgiveness asks the injured person to forgive. It lets them know they were wronged, that forgiveness is needed to repair the relationship. Even though you may believe that a request for forgiveness is implied in any apology, someone whose apology language is Requesting Forgiveness needs to hear it out loud.
An apology can be as simple as saying "I was wrong."
Keep in mind that a request for forgiveness won't necessarily be granted. The apology shows that you recognize the need to be forgiven. Whether or not the forgiving happens, however, is up to the person receiving the apology. Requesting Forgiveness sounds like, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
Apology Language #5: Making Restitution
Finally, we come to Making Restitution. Making Restitution involves justifying the wrong, and finding a way to make amends. You gotta make up for what you did. How you make up for it depends on the person. You have to make up for it in a way that the other person values. If you say "I'm so sorry. Here is a pair of tickets to the game Sunday evening" to someone who prefers cooking to sports, you're not making amends. "Here is a pair of tickets to the filming of Iron Chef Sunday evening" will work much better.
Making Restitution might mean doing what's needed to fix what you screwed up. It's probably the most labor-intensive apology language. It also happens to be my #1 apology language. Making Restitution sounds like, "I'm sorry. I was sloppy. I'd be glad to help with the marketing report so you can go home early tonight."
Match Their Apology Language, Not Yours
Since our primary apology language is how we recognize apologies, we tend to give apologies in the same language. After all, if "I'm sorry" means "I'll make restitution," then we'll be tempted to make restitution when we want to apologize, even if the other person doesn't care about restitution, but does care about hearing us say, "I was wrong."
Melvin's top two apology languages are Making Restitution and Requesting Forgiveness. He's saying "I'll fix the problem. Please forgive me." Those aren't a match for Bernice. Her top apology languages are Expressing Regret and Accepting Responsibility. She just wants Melvin to say, sincerely, "I feel really ashamed of my screwup. It was my fault." She'll say "Of course I accept your apology! It's all right! Let's go down to the soda shop and share a Tofutti eclaire to make up." She doesn't even need him to fix the problem.
When making an apology, use the other person's apology language, so they really hear you. If you don't know someone's apology language, try all 5: "I'm sorry. I feel awful about what happened. I was wrong and I take full responsibility. Here's what I'll do differently in the future, and here's how I'll make it right, now. Can you forgive me?"
When you're receiving an apology, be sensitive to all 5 languages, not just your own. Even if someone isn't using your preferred apology language, they may be quite sincere, using their own. Listen for it. An apology is a special act, meant to make things better. Learn to give and receive apologies in a way that people can hear, and that repairs and strengthens your relationship.
But they've got to be done right, or the other person won't even hear them. In the workplace, a proper apology might make the difference between being seen as a team player or being considered "that guy" (or "that girl" or "that intersex").
Bernice and Melvin are not having a good morning. They just finished taking inventory for Bernice's plant store, Green Growing Things. Melvin, in his glee, went to close the inventory program. When the program asked, "Do you really want to exit without saving the data?" he clicked Yes by habit. Oops. An entire day's work, lost.
Bernice is going ballistic. Melvin is trying his best to apologize, but nothing's working.
"I promise I'll do the inventory on my own this weekend," he cries.
"Yes, but you aren't even sorry!" she yells.
"I am too! Please forgive me!"
"Forgive you? Forgive you? Why should I forgive you when you aren't sorry?"
"But I am sorry!"
And round and round it goes.
From the outside, it sure seems that Melvin is offering an apology, and that Bernice is refusing to accept it. But that's not what's happening at all. They just recognize apologies differently. In the book When Sorry Isn't Enough, Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas share the results of a study they did of how people give and receive apologies. The bad news: There are 5 different ways people apologize. The good news: There are only 5.
Sponsor: You'll never be sorry with Stamps.com. Stamps.com makes it easy for small businesses to save money. No more Post Office trips! Save time, postage, gas, parking, and general hassle. You'll never need to wait in line again! Try Stamps.com risk-free! Plus you'll get a free digital scale and up to $55 of free postage. Go to Stamps.com, before you do anything else, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in GET IT DONE. That’s Stamps.com, enter GET IT DONE
Apology Language #1: Expressing Regret
Expressing Regret is Bernice's primary apology language. To her, an apology is first and foremost emotional. Someone truly feels bad about what they've done. An apology must show that someone sincerely feels regretful, guilty, or ashamed.
Melvin says "I'm sorry," but his voice tone says "Panic!" Bernice is picking up on his tone, not his words. She wants to know there's real regret behind his apology, not just that he can say the words. Expressing Regret sounds like, "I feel awful about what I've done." (said in an appropriate tone of voice)
Apology Language #2: Accepting Responsibility
Bernice's secondary apology language is Accepting Responsibility. She wants to hear that the other person knows it's their fault. This is as simple as saying "I was wrong." But as simple as it sounds, many of us just can't say those words. We can say "You were wrong." We can say "Politicians are wrong." But we can't quite say "I was wrong."
But that's all that someone with the Accepting Responsibility apology language wants to hear, a simple admission of fault. Melvin's apologizing, but he's not saying that he was wrong. Accepting responsibility sounds like, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. It was my fault."
Apology Language #3: Genuine Repentance
Genuine Repentance is similar to Expressing Regret in that it must come from the heart. But it must also come with a promise to change, so the problem doesn't happen again.
Even though Melvin may plan to change going forward—perhaps by re-reading every dialog box twice before clicking a button—if he doesn't say so to Bernice, she won't know that. Genuine Repentance sounds like, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Next time I'll re-read the dialog box twice before clicking a button. And I'll turn on auto-save. And make backups."
Apology Language #4: Requesting Forgiveness
Requesting Forgiveness asks the injured person to forgive. It lets them know they were wronged, that forgiveness is needed to repair the relationship. Even though you may believe that a request for forgiveness is implied in any apology, someone whose apology language is Requesting Forgiveness needs to hear it out loud.
An apology can be as simple as saying "I was wrong."
Keep in mind that a request for forgiveness won't necessarily be granted. The apology shows that you recognize the need to be forgiven. Whether or not the forgiving happens, however, is up to the person receiving the apology. Requesting Forgiveness sounds like, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
Apology Language #5: Making Restitution
Finally, we come to Making Restitution. Making Restitution involves justifying the wrong, and finding a way to make amends. You gotta make up for what you did. How you make up for it depends on the person. You have to make up for it in a way that the other person values. If you say "I'm so sorry. Here is a pair of tickets to the game Sunday evening" to someone who prefers cooking to sports, you're not making amends. "Here is a pair of tickets to the filming of Iron Chef Sunday evening" will work much better.
Making Restitution might mean doing what's needed to fix what you screwed up. It's probably the most labor-intensive apology language. It also happens to be my #1 apology language. Making Restitution sounds like, "I'm sorry. I was sloppy. I'd be glad to help with the marketing report so you can go home early tonight."
Match Their Apology Language, Not Yours
Since our primary apology language is how we recognize apologies, we tend to give apologies in the same language. After all, if "I'm sorry" means "I'll make restitution," then we'll be tempted to make restitution when we want to apologize, even if the other person doesn't care about restitution, but does care about hearing us say, "I was wrong."
Melvin's top two apology languages are Making Restitution and Requesting Forgiveness. He's saying "I'll fix the problem. Please forgive me." Those aren't a match for Bernice. Her top apology languages are Expressing Regret and Accepting Responsibility. She just wants Melvin to say, sincerely, "I feel really ashamed of my screwup. It was my fault." She'll say "Of course I accept your apology! It's all right! Let's go down to the soda shop and share a Tofutti eclaire to make up." She doesn't even need him to fix the problem.
When making an apology, use the other person's apology language, so they really hear you. If you don't know someone's apology language, try all 5: "I'm sorry. I feel awful about what happened. I was wrong and I take full responsibility. Here's what I'll do differently in the future, and here's how I'll make it right, now. Can you forgive me?"
When you're receiving an apology, be sensitive to all 5 languages, not just your own. Even if someone isn't using your preferred apology language, they may be quite sincere, using their own. Listen for it. An apology is a special act, meant to make things better. Learn to give and receive apologies in a way that people can hear, and that repairs and strengthens your relationship.
How to Criticize (Without Looking Like a Jerk)
Sometimes it's really obvious when someone else screwed up. And of course, we just have to correct them. Otherwise, the world as we know it will stop.
So right there at the team meeting, we put on our best diplomacy hat and say, "You know, your user interface design really was confusing. I'll send you a memo telling you what you did wrong and how to fix it later this afternoon."
Your target smiles and says, "Thank you for your offer."
The next day, your goldfish are floating upside down in your fish tank, your car tires seem to be missing some air, and your hard drive accidentally reformats itself.
Coincidence? I think not.
The problem is that despite your extraordinary attempt at diplomaticy, you pointed out to someone that they screwed up.
This happens with colleagues and also with strangers. Have you ever tried to cross a crosswalk? Cars are supposed to stop behind the Stop line to let pedestrians walk across. And yet, often some driver (not you, I'm sure) will stop right in the middle of the crosswalk and pedestrians have to walk around their car in order to cross.
Everyone Is an Ogre
The driver never actually looks like an inconsiderate, law-breaking oaf with no respect or consideration for other people. They always look like a nice person. Then you tap their window and say, politely, "Excuse me, you're blocking the crosswalk. Please stop behind the line next time." They look at you and start to get red in the face. Their formerly curly hair start to straighten out and stand on end. Steam comes out of their ears. They puff out their cheeks, and they yell, "You asshole! Get your fucking butt out of the street before I drive over you and don't ever fucking talk to me again!!!"
They are clearly in the wrong. They are breaking the law, being inconsiderate, and generally being a lousy prom date. But when you politely point out that they are wrong, they act like a great ape deprived of its favorite banana. Because in fact, they are.
People Value Their Self-Image
You see, no one appreciates being confronted with immediate, obvious, incontrovertible, undeniable evidence of their own wrong-doing. Our favorite banana is our self-image. And most of us have self-images that we're upstanding angels who are perfect and have good reasons for the things we do.
Science, of course, has thoroughly debunked that. All of us are a mix of admirable and icky qualities. As shocking as it may be for you to consider, please realize that even I am not perfect. (I know, unbelievable, right?)
Just ask me to cook. I use pre-prepared ingredients, like pre-marinated chicken, reheatable pierogies, and chocolate craze Balance Bars. It's my personal version of mole sauce.
When you make someone realize they're wrong, you're taking away their self-image banana and replacing it with a rotten turnip. They're mad about trading their banana for a turnip. It really has nothing to do with you. You're just the catalyst for their self-realization and an easy target for when they go postal about it.
Frame Your Criticism as a Best Interest
All is not lost, however. You can still communicate the all-important corrective message, just frame it as being in their best interest.
Think about the good thing that will happen if they realize they're wrong and follow your advice. Then frame your message as if their current state of affairs is good, and you're helping them go from good to better.
So let's take the example from the beginning of this episode. Instead of saying "Your user interface made our users throw up on the keyboard," ask yourself what good will come from a better UI. A better UI will make your product a joy to use, reduce support costs, and maybe win the user interface designer a design award.
There's no guarantee they'll take your advice.
To that end, say something like, "You know, the user interface is key to making our users joyous, reducing support costs, and, of course, winning industry awards. I have some ideas that might help bring out the brilliance in your design even more. If you'd like to hear them, let me know."
This way, you're acknowledging the value of what they do, the happy consequences of them doing it right, and then simply offering to help their existing amazingness be even more amazing.
They May So "No"
There's no guarantee that they'll agree to listen to your ideas. Or that they'll take your advice even if they do listen. But if you offer help sincerely, at least they won't get mad.
Probably.
Just to make sure, practice your voice tone. Think of someone who really wants your help. Someone you love, like your niece or nephew (with that hair, and a name like "Sage," you don't necessarily know).
Now practice offering them help out loud. "Sage, I have some ideas that can help with your advanced topology homework. Want to work on it together?" Listen to yourself carefully. Now take that same tone of voice with your work colleague. "Teammate, I have some ideas that can help with the next UI interface. Want to work on it together?"
Apologize
Sometimes you can streamline things by apologizing.
For example, when someone misses an appointment, I'll start out a follow-up conversation by apologizing. "I'm sorry we missed each other. Your confirmation email must have gotten lost in my spam folder." When other people unfairly blame you, it's bad. But when you take responsibility yourself, you can quickly shift the conversation back to scheduling, rather than getting into a useless debate about who dropped the ball. We're all overloaded these days. We all drop the ball sometimes. And even though you're apologizing to take the pressure off them, sometimes you'll find their confirmation email did end up in your spam folder.
Apologies can also be useful when someone turns in an inadequate deliverable. "I'm sorry I screwed up by not giving you the full specifications. We need the proclamation of Oreo Ice Cream Cake as the official Olympics health food printed on parchment paper, not newsprint. Could you reprint it? Thanks!"
I'll only do this when the stakes are low, however. Also, if I have responsibility for the person's professional development, even if I apologize, I'll add, "Next time, how can you be sure to get the full specifications, even if I don't think to give them to you?" That way, I'm acknowledging my part of the situation, while making it clear that it's still their responsibility going forward. If someone's mistake incurred extra cost, then we may, indeed, have to have a difficult conversation about who will pay the price. And difficult conversations are a topic for another time.
People don't like being told they're wrong, especially when they are. It hurts their self-image. So when you need to correct them, do it by offering to improve what's already good, not by pointing out that what they did was bad. Use a genuinely helpful voice tone, and apologize if that would help. Even if you apologize, though, you can make it clear that just because you screwed up, doesn't mean that they can't account for that in the future.
So right there at the team meeting, we put on our best diplomacy hat and say, "You know, your user interface design really was confusing. I'll send you a memo telling you what you did wrong and how to fix it later this afternoon."
Your target smiles and says, "Thank you for your offer."
The next day, your goldfish are floating upside down in your fish tank, your car tires seem to be missing some air, and your hard drive accidentally reformats itself.
Coincidence? I think not.
The problem is that despite your extraordinary attempt at diplomaticy, you pointed out to someone that they screwed up.
This happens with colleagues and also with strangers. Have you ever tried to cross a crosswalk? Cars are supposed to stop behind the Stop line to let pedestrians walk across. And yet, often some driver (not you, I'm sure) will stop right in the middle of the crosswalk and pedestrians have to walk around their car in order to cross.
Everyone Is an Ogre
The driver never actually looks like an inconsiderate, law-breaking oaf with no respect or consideration for other people. They always look like a nice person. Then you tap their window and say, politely, "Excuse me, you're blocking the crosswalk. Please stop behind the line next time." They look at you and start to get red in the face. Their formerly curly hair start to straighten out and stand on end. Steam comes out of their ears. They puff out their cheeks, and they yell, "You asshole! Get your fucking butt out of the street before I drive over you and don't ever fucking talk to me again!!!"
They are clearly in the wrong. They are breaking the law, being inconsiderate, and generally being a lousy prom date. But when you politely point out that they are wrong, they act like a great ape deprived of its favorite banana. Because in fact, they are.
People Value Their Self-Image
You see, no one appreciates being confronted with immediate, obvious, incontrovertible, undeniable evidence of their own wrong-doing. Our favorite banana is our self-image. And most of us have self-images that we're upstanding angels who are perfect and have good reasons for the things we do.
Science, of course, has thoroughly debunked that. All of us are a mix of admirable and icky qualities. As shocking as it may be for you to consider, please realize that even I am not perfect. (I know, unbelievable, right?)
Just ask me to cook. I use pre-prepared ingredients, like pre-marinated chicken, reheatable pierogies, and chocolate craze Balance Bars. It's my personal version of mole sauce.
When you make someone realize they're wrong, you're taking away their self-image banana and replacing it with a rotten turnip. They're mad about trading their banana for a turnip. It really has nothing to do with you. You're just the catalyst for their self-realization and an easy target for when they go postal about it.
Frame Your Criticism as a Best Interest
All is not lost, however. You can still communicate the all-important corrective message, just frame it as being in their best interest.
Think about the good thing that will happen if they realize they're wrong and follow your advice. Then frame your message as if their current state of affairs is good, and you're helping them go from good to better.
So let's take the example from the beginning of this episode. Instead of saying "Your user interface made our users throw up on the keyboard," ask yourself what good will come from a better UI. A better UI will make your product a joy to use, reduce support costs, and maybe win the user interface designer a design award.
There's no guarantee they'll take your advice.
To that end, say something like, "You know, the user interface is key to making our users joyous, reducing support costs, and, of course, winning industry awards. I have some ideas that might help bring out the brilliance in your design even more. If you'd like to hear them, let me know."
This way, you're acknowledging the value of what they do, the happy consequences of them doing it right, and then simply offering to help their existing amazingness be even more amazing.
They May So "No"
There's no guarantee that they'll agree to listen to your ideas. Or that they'll take your advice even if they do listen. But if you offer help sincerely, at least they won't get mad.
Probably.
Just to make sure, practice your voice tone. Think of someone who really wants your help. Someone you love, like your niece or nephew (with that hair, and a name like "Sage," you don't necessarily know).
Now practice offering them help out loud. "Sage, I have some ideas that can help with your advanced topology homework. Want to work on it together?" Listen to yourself carefully. Now take that same tone of voice with your work colleague. "Teammate, I have some ideas that can help with the next UI interface. Want to work on it together?"
Apologize
Sometimes you can streamline things by apologizing.
For example, when someone misses an appointment, I'll start out a follow-up conversation by apologizing. "I'm sorry we missed each other. Your confirmation email must have gotten lost in my spam folder." When other people unfairly blame you, it's bad. But when you take responsibility yourself, you can quickly shift the conversation back to scheduling, rather than getting into a useless debate about who dropped the ball. We're all overloaded these days. We all drop the ball sometimes. And even though you're apologizing to take the pressure off them, sometimes you'll find their confirmation email did end up in your spam folder.
Apologies can also be useful when someone turns in an inadequate deliverable. "I'm sorry I screwed up by not giving you the full specifications. We need the proclamation of Oreo Ice Cream Cake as the official Olympics health food printed on parchment paper, not newsprint. Could you reprint it? Thanks!"
I'll only do this when the stakes are low, however. Also, if I have responsibility for the person's professional development, even if I apologize, I'll add, "Next time, how can you be sure to get the full specifications, even if I don't think to give them to you?" That way, I'm acknowledging my part of the situation, while making it clear that it's still their responsibility going forward. If someone's mistake incurred extra cost, then we may, indeed, have to have a difficult conversation about who will pay the price. And difficult conversations are a topic for another time.
People don't like being told they're wrong, especially when they are. It hurts their self-image. So when you need to correct them, do it by offering to improve what's already good, not by pointing out that what they did was bad. Use a genuinely helpful voice tone, and apologize if that would help. Even if you apologize, though, you can make it clear that just because you screwed up, doesn't mean that they can't account for that in the future.
20150614
14 Psychological Facts
Feeling stressed? Wish you knew some secrets for feeling happier, lighter, and freer?
While the complexities of the human condition are, of course, a little too deep to be reduced to a list, there are actually a few tips you can use every day to help shake off some of the drudgery that might be dragging you down. There are also some weird little facts that might not help you personally, but might help you be a little more understanding towards other people. In the end, these new bits of knowledge will actually help you a lot in the long run.
1. If you tell people your goals, you're less likely to achieve them.
People have been studying this phenomenon since the 1930s, and it's been proven time and again. So the next time you get the urge to pester someone with questions about what their goals are, remember that you might not be helping.
2. Smart people tend to underestimate themselves, while the more ignorant tend to think they're brilliant.
The more informed you are, the more possibilities you're aware of, including the one where you might be wrong. Everyone's confidence in their intelligence ebbs and flows depending on the situation, but don't get too cocky.
3. Your thinking and decision making will be more rational if you think or speak it in another language.
A study at the University of Chicago found that Korean exchange students made more rational, less biased decisions if they first translated all their information into English. This might be because translating forces you to be deliberate and consider each word, and thus come to a more level-headed solution. So the next time you're worried you're not being rational, dust off that language you studied in high school and see if it helps.
4. When you remember something, you're actually remembering the last time you remembered it, rather than the event itself.
This one is a little mind-boggling, but this is why people's memories get distorted over time -- it's like playing a years-long game of telephone with yourself.
5. Kids today are more stressed out than the average psych ward patient of 1950.
The 1950s had plenty of problems, but at least no one was auditioning for preschool. There's also the fact that we now have a better knowledge of mental health and illness, so it's easier to diagnose issues that might have flown under the radar earlier. However, with everything that's happened in the past 65 years, people have very different things to stress out over.
6. 18-to-33-year-olds are the most stressed out people.
Having to deal with education, figuring out a career path, and entering the work world full time makes for a terrible combination that results in a lot of stress. Combine that with the fact that none of us are going to get Social Security, like, ever, and you have the perfect storm.
7. Music can change your outlook.
The soundtrack of your life can drastically alter your perception of events, even if you're not aware of it. Why do you think such attention is paid to movie soundtracks? If you don't believe this, put on your favorite movie with the sound off, and play the same scene with different songs in the background. You'll see how quickly your perception of the visuals changes.
8. Your favorite song(s) are probably linked to an emotional event.
Just like music can change your perception of the present, a specific song can bring you back to a very different time. Just hearing it will give you a little emotional reminder of the first time you heard it. Of course, the more you hear it in different settings, the more that association might fade.
9. Money can actually buy happiness.
Yeah, it's true. People who struggle financially will, naturally, be more stressed out. Have you ever heard a poor person say that money can't buy happiness? Didn't think so.This has a cap, though. Once people reach the income of about $75-$80,000, their happiness levels don't change, even if they make more money. Basically, if they can feed themselves and have a home without worrying about running out of money, people will be happy.
10. Spending money on other people makes you happy.
Therapy shopping for yourself is often a hollow happiness, like drinking alone, but when you buy gifts for other people, it can actually make you happier. We're not saying you should blow your money irresponsibly, but buying (or making) gifts for other people is like a gift to yourself, too.
11. Spending money on experiences rather than objects makes you happier.
Getting to do or see something exciting makes for a better memory than just getting a thing and looking at it from time to time. After all, you'll have more to talk about, and the action of going and doing something is more fulfilling than simply obtaining an object.
12. Meditation and prayer can cut stress.
You don't have to be religious to meditate, and studies show it's good for you to sit quietly on a regular basis. You might not think you have time, but the next time you feel like vegging out in front of the TV, try slow, even breathing and clearing your mind for a while.
13. You can convince your brain that you slept well, even if you didn't.
Take a few deep breaths and think about how well you slept last night. If you can convince yourself of that, you'll feel a little boost of energy. It's called "placebo sleep," but don't use this as a regular excuse to not get actual sleep. You still need that.
14. Surrounding yourself with happy people makes you happy.
You know that one friend you have who complains all the time and takes no joy in everything? You know how you feel after hanging out with them? Exactly. Spending time with people who are positive and content will rub off on you and lift your mood. Likewise, don't be that negative friend -- be someone else's positive buddy!
While the complexities of the human condition are, of course, a little too deep to be reduced to a list, there are actually a few tips you can use every day to help shake off some of the drudgery that might be dragging you down. There are also some weird little facts that might not help you personally, but might help you be a little more understanding towards other people. In the end, these new bits of knowledge will actually help you a lot in the long run.
1. If you tell people your goals, you're less likely to achieve them.
People have been studying this phenomenon since the 1930s, and it's been proven time and again. So the next time you get the urge to pester someone with questions about what their goals are, remember that you might not be helping.
2. Smart people tend to underestimate themselves, while the more ignorant tend to think they're brilliant.
The more informed you are, the more possibilities you're aware of, including the one where you might be wrong. Everyone's confidence in their intelligence ebbs and flows depending on the situation, but don't get too cocky.
3. Your thinking and decision making will be more rational if you think or speak it in another language.
A study at the University of Chicago found that Korean exchange students made more rational, less biased decisions if they first translated all their information into English. This might be because translating forces you to be deliberate and consider each word, and thus come to a more level-headed solution. So the next time you're worried you're not being rational, dust off that language you studied in high school and see if it helps.
4. When you remember something, you're actually remembering the last time you remembered it, rather than the event itself.
This one is a little mind-boggling, but this is why people's memories get distorted over time -- it's like playing a years-long game of telephone with yourself.
5. Kids today are more stressed out than the average psych ward patient of 1950.
The 1950s had plenty of problems, but at least no one was auditioning for preschool. There's also the fact that we now have a better knowledge of mental health and illness, so it's easier to diagnose issues that might have flown under the radar earlier. However, with everything that's happened in the past 65 years, people have very different things to stress out over.
6. 18-to-33-year-olds are the most stressed out people.
Having to deal with education, figuring out a career path, and entering the work world full time makes for a terrible combination that results in a lot of stress. Combine that with the fact that none of us are going to get Social Security, like, ever, and you have the perfect storm.
7. Music can change your outlook.
The soundtrack of your life can drastically alter your perception of events, even if you're not aware of it. Why do you think such attention is paid to movie soundtracks? If you don't believe this, put on your favorite movie with the sound off, and play the same scene with different songs in the background. You'll see how quickly your perception of the visuals changes.
8. Your favorite song(s) are probably linked to an emotional event.
Just like music can change your perception of the present, a specific song can bring you back to a very different time. Just hearing it will give you a little emotional reminder of the first time you heard it. Of course, the more you hear it in different settings, the more that association might fade.
9. Money can actually buy happiness.
Yeah, it's true. People who struggle financially will, naturally, be more stressed out. Have you ever heard a poor person say that money can't buy happiness? Didn't think so.This has a cap, though. Once people reach the income of about $75-$80,000, their happiness levels don't change, even if they make more money. Basically, if they can feed themselves and have a home without worrying about running out of money, people will be happy.
10. Spending money on other people makes you happy.
Therapy shopping for yourself is often a hollow happiness, like drinking alone, but when you buy gifts for other people, it can actually make you happier. We're not saying you should blow your money irresponsibly, but buying (or making) gifts for other people is like a gift to yourself, too.
11. Spending money on experiences rather than objects makes you happier.
Getting to do or see something exciting makes for a better memory than just getting a thing and looking at it from time to time. After all, you'll have more to talk about, and the action of going and doing something is more fulfilling than simply obtaining an object.
12. Meditation and prayer can cut stress.
You don't have to be religious to meditate, and studies show it's good for you to sit quietly on a regular basis. You might not think you have time, but the next time you feel like vegging out in front of the TV, try slow, even breathing and clearing your mind for a while.
13. You can convince your brain that you slept well, even if you didn't.
Take a few deep breaths and think about how well you slept last night. If you can convince yourself of that, you'll feel a little boost of energy. It's called "placebo sleep," but don't use this as a regular excuse to not get actual sleep. You still need that.
14. Surrounding yourself with happy people makes you happy.
You know that one friend you have who complains all the time and takes no joy in everything? You know how you feel after hanging out with them? Exactly. Spending time with people who are positive and content will rub off on you and lift your mood. Likewise, don't be that negative friend -- be someone else's positive buddy!
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